Rewiring the Brain After Trauma: Insight & Healing with Jasmina Sabi

0:01

Hello and welcome to Overcome a Mental Health Podcast.

0:04

I'm your host, Travis White.

0:06

This is a place for you to share your mental health stories.

0:09

I'm very excited for tonight's guest.

0:11

I'm speaking with Yasmina Sabi.

0:13

Yasmina is the author of Am I Thinking Correctly?

0:16

Welcome to the show.

0:18

Thank you so much for having me.

0:19

Really excited to share my journey so far.

0:24

Awesome.

0:24

Well, let's get right into it.

0:26

I'm just going to turn the time right over to you.

0:29

Well, I wrote my book, and am I thinking correctly?

0:33

Based on my childhood, it was really traumatic.

0:35

I think everyone's starting to realize that today.

0:37

Like, my God, that wasn't normal.

0:39

I knew something was wrong, you know?

0:41

Like, that affected me.

0:42

I knew it, you know?

0:44

And so I had gotten to therapy late in my 20s to like, which was the start, I will say, of

0:44

me getting an understanding of my childhood.

0:53

And then I got into therapy again in my early thirties, I'm 34 right now.

0:57

So I believe I was 31 because I remember I was talking to somebody about a healthy

0:57

relationship and they were like, well, how do you know what one looks like?

1:04

And I said, that's actually a really good point.

1:07

I probably should get into therapy.

1:09

And so I had stopped drinking.

1:11

I had lost a bunch of weight.

1:13

I had, I just felt like, okay, I'm in a place where, you know, I'm a healthy person.

1:19

And the person that I fell in love with,

1:22

I was like, how did I not know this person was capable of these actions?

1:28

And I would say that was my real first heartbreak.

1:31

I was late in experiencing my heart getting broken.

1:34

I just always noticed growing up that it seemed as though relationships hindered a lot of

1:34

people or they'd cry or, you you just kind of would see responses to people.

1:44

was like, I don't think I should have.

1:47

Like I would try, but.

1:48

For some reason, I couldn't get past like two or three months with somebody.

1:53

And it was because I had my children.

1:54

So I was like, I don't have time for this.

1:56

Like, I don't know what I'm doing.

1:58

I know I need to keep thinking and figuring it out.

2:00

And when I felt like, okay, I got it all figured out, I'm healthy.

2:03

And when my heart got broken, why this person?

2:07

I was like, what is like, I just, it was like my reality was just so distorted.

2:13

And then it hit me like this is what everybody.

2:17

is either they never recovered from this pain or they were scared of feeling this again.

2:24

And so it helped me understand the world.

2:27

was like, just kind of zoomed out and just was like, there's a big issue going on here

2:27

because I started going through those emotions of, I should just stay with him because at

2:36

least I know what he's capable of.

2:38

I said, that's why women stay with men or men stay with women.

2:40

So it started making sense to me.

2:42

And then I was like, my God, what if I meet somebody else and they're worse than this?

2:46

And I was just like, and then I said, okay, well, I gotta figure out something because it

2:46

like, as I said, it just all made sense to me, just reality overall.

2:56

Like I couldn't think of any pain I seen where I just was like, I understand why that

2:56

person's like that because everyone wants to get back to that newborn feeling.

3:05

When you're a newborn baby, you're held, you're loved.

3:08

And it's like, that's what we're all unconsciously trying to get back to, that love, that

3:08

comfort.

3:13

Like, where am I going to get that from?

3:16

You know, we're all looking for human connection.

3:18

And they say, hey, you don't need human connection.

3:21

You can do it all on your own.

3:22

And I feel like, well, that's something, but I couldn't get past this person because I

3:22

still had to a child with them.

3:30

That's where the challenge came.

3:32

Cause I was like, how do I raise my child to love something I hate?

3:37

And I didn't know how to do that.

3:39

that was, and I remember with my mother and father, my goodness, to this day they still

3:39

fight like cats and dogs.

3:45

But my father was a huge influence in my life.

3:48

Like I would just always think, no, what if he calls me?

3:51

And I did something.

3:52

So it was just the scaredness of my dad calling me that would make me think a little

3:52

harder, you know?

3:58

Cause I'm like, if he calls me, I don't know what's gonna happen.

4:02

And I don't want to hear him say everybody in Africa is crying and so disappointed in you

4:02

because that's what he always says.

4:09

And so I had basically unconsciously started studying this man on like a scientific level.

4:15

And everyone just kept telling me just move on.

4:18

I was like, that's so dumb.

4:19

I'm not going to move on because how did I not know he was capable of?

4:23

breaking my heart.

4:24

How did I not know that?

4:25

How did I not know he had these characteristics?

4:28

Like what is going on inside my brain?

4:30

And I guess I became, I don't know if it's obsessed or what it is, because everyone just

4:30

kept telling me, like, I just don't get why you're still thinking about it.

4:37

It happens.

4:38

And I'm like, I'm not going to normalize this.

4:40

type of life is that?

4:42

was like, I, if I feel this pain again, I don't know if I can like really recover.

4:48

Like it took a lot.

4:49

felt like for me to not

4:52

become one of those people that's under a bridge, or become one of those people that's an

4:52

alcoholic for the rest of their life, or become one of those people that's in the psych

5:00

ward.

5:00

I mean, when I just felt that pain, I just understood this is how people get to this

5:00

broken place, because they felt an unbearable pain.

5:12

Yeah, that's tough.

5:15

it's like, I feel like too many people sometimes like for the long time, it takes a lot to

5:15

like fully understand your partner and your spouse, like whoever it is, and to actually

5:27

get to feel like what really they're capable of and get to really know their full

5:27

characteristics.

5:32

Cause I feel like when you're dating sometimes, like you don't get to see certain sides of

5:32

a person, if that makes sense.

5:39

It takes...

5:42

Yeah, I know what I'm trying to say, but like it takes a while.

5:46

get you, it's, you know, because what it is is they say like, don't trust anybody.

5:50

But when I learned about brain chemistry, neuroscience, psychology, I said, it's not so

5:50

much that I don't trust you.

5:57

I don't know if you know what your brain is capable of.

6:01

That's where I'm at today.

6:03

Do you know what your brain is capable of?

6:06

Because I remember when I had that heartbreak, people always say, man, you hear all the

6:06

time, I don't know why I did that.

6:12

That's always said, I don't know why I did that.

6:15

Like they just can't explain it.

6:17

And I said, how do I put this?

6:21

So at the time I was like, yes, you do.

6:23

You know why you did that.

6:24

Like I was just, know, like everybody else, like you're playing a game, but I never knew

6:24

there was drugs in our brain that influenced our behavior.

6:32

I was like, what the, why isn't this like basic information that everybody should just.

6:38

No, like they try to make it sound cool, like serotonin and dopamine.

6:43

It's like, no, there's drugs in your brain.

6:44

Let's go with heroin, weed, crack, whatever.

6:47

And it influences your behavior and it can suppress your decision-making in order to get

6:47

high.

6:52

That's what's happening.

6:54

that's why it's so important to have a healthy childhood so that your brain knows when to

6:54

release those drugs to influence your behavior.

7:02

I think we're all caught up looking around like, did you have a healthy childhood?

7:06

Did you like, we're all like, what is a healthy childhood?

7:09

And a healthy childhood is learning the child.

7:12

And I don't know who feels like they grew up in.

7:15

My parents took time to learn me.

7:18

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

7:21

It all goes back to your question though.

7:23

What is a healthy childhood?

7:25

Because I think everybody's perspective of that is going to be completely different.

7:30

Oh yeah, when they had that thing, they were trying to pay millions of dollars to get

7:30

their kids in college.

7:36

I'm like, look at this obsession.

7:38

Like, if I'm gonna spend millions of dollars, it's not gonna go to college, because you

7:38

didn't naturally go there.

7:43

So what do you want to do?

7:44

Wouldn't that be a moment to stop there and say, all right, this must not be for you, but

7:44

we're not taught to learn the child.

7:52

Everyone's like, instill these qualities, instill these qualities.

7:55

And I feel like that's why so many people just get older and they're just like so confused

7:55

because you never really had time to exercise your brains.

8:03

And I feel like that the foreigners, feel like foreigners had to use their brain because

8:03

they didn't have so many resources and stuff.

8:09

And that's why you have so many doctors that are foreigners because they're used to using

8:09

their brain, unfortunately, under a lot of stress and unhealthy conditions, but they're

8:18

used to using it.

8:20

Yeah, crazy stuff.

8:22

And as you were exploring, you know, the science behind emotions and pile chemistry and

8:22

that type of stuff, what discoveries surprised you the most in your research?

8:33

that we're on autopilot 90 % of the time.

8:38

I was like, what the, I mean, I'm telling you, like, the thing is I was like going into

8:38

psychosis because of what happened and the situation was so mind-boggling.

8:48

And then discovering all this information, oh my goodness, I was just like, what?

8:52

Like, I was just like, I said, this is why educated people hang out with educated people.

9:00

I swear, it's like all the rules and stuff that you hear in society just started clicking.

9:04

was like, and I was just mind blown.

9:07

And I was like, you know, I had time to study this information.

9:11

And I was like, a lot of people don't have time to study this.

9:14

And I just kept thinking like, okay, I need to speak.

9:16

need to get on platforms and just use myself as an example.

9:20

And it wasn't easy because I was like, my God, what about that one night at band camp?

9:24

That might resurface, you know?

9:25

uh

9:28

But I just said, man, you gotta put that to the side because I was like, they are all

9:28

unconsciously hurting one another because it's not enough people that know this.

9:39

And even if you do know this information, your brain is still gonna adapt to the

9:39

environment.

9:44

Your body's still gonna adapt to the environment.

9:46

you can, so I mean, that happens with educated people.

9:49

Like, I don't know, I mean, everyone's running around.

9:51

I don't know what the heck is happening.

9:53

And so that's why I wrote the book and I was like, I just got to use myself as an example.

9:58

And I was nervous.

9:59

It took a lot of guts because I'm telling you, I was scanning my past like, what about,

9:59

how am gonna get, you know, even though I could say, I was unconscious.

10:09

It was like, well, that can't always be my answer.

10:11

Like, what were you thinking at the time?

10:12

And I had to sit with myself and like, re-go through my whole life with new information.

10:19

And I just had to tell myself, this isn't about me.

10:22

Like, I can take...

10:23

myself and write this book and it's going to help so many people and that's what I had to

10:23

keep telling myself and mainly the children and that's what I kept thinking about the

10:34

kids.

10:35

was like they're so unconscious they aren't they're all hurting the kids.

10:38

I actually did a post on TikTok where I said I can't tell who isn't a Jeffrey Epstein.

10:43

Everyone just has a different style if you ask me.

10:46

Yeah.

10:47

Right.

10:48

it's, and it's like, yeah, that, that, that would be like a conversation.

10:52

Like I could go into that one for hours, but I totally agree with you.

10:57

I'm just mentioning it for thought-provoking because like I said when they were trying to

10:57

pay two million dollars to get their kids in college I'm like boy you're gonna make sure

11:05

that happens like I don't know

11:09

And as you were writing your book, was it more therapeutic to you or was it hard to relive

11:09

your past?

11:17

man, it was hard because I don't consider myself an author, but I was speaking, I was

11:17

doing some research, like what can I do, what can I do?

11:26

And it was saying talk to a literacy agent.

11:30

And I was like, what is that?

11:31

When I was doing research and so when I spoke to the woman, she was telling me about...

11:35

a book and I was like, no, I'm not an author.

11:37

And we ended up talking for almost two hours and she just was like, it's a blueprint.

11:42

And I'm glad she did talk to me because it does make it easier to give something for

11:42

people to reference rather than constantly making videos.

11:50

They might not sit through the whole video, but they got a book where they could take time

11:50

to read it and they can always go back to it.

11:55

But when I was writing it, I just thought, okay, cool, let's go.

11:58

And as I started writing it, I was like, oh, think I'm having flashbacks.

12:02

I was like, okay.

12:04

oh

12:05

emotions was coming up and then I was thinking, my God, I got to reread all that.

12:09

So yeah, it was definitely a challenge.

12:15

Yeah, I can, I can only imagine.

12:17

I, I think it's challenging enough at times when I'm on the podcast and I'm, you know,

12:17

trying to put in my little point of view or tell my little story.

12:28

And it's like, that's hard enough because you have to be really vulnerable.

12:31

And sometimes to get that vulnerability across, it's not the easiest thing.

12:37

I agree.

12:38

I feel like what just helps me is I just remember my childhood and man, I used to just

12:38

think to myself, I wish somebody would come and make her stop.

12:48

Like that's just all I used to think like, my God, I wish somebody would just come and

12:48

make her stop or they would know like she's about to turn into this person.

12:58

They'd say, all right, bye guys.

12:59

And I'm like, my God, they're about to leave us with her.

13:03

That's just all I remember my childhood.

13:05

So whenever I do have those struggles and I just think about my childhood where I just was

13:05

thinking I wish somebody would have came and stopped this and To have a power and even you

13:14

and all these different people talking about mental health it is helping the kids It is

13:14

helping the children where people are becoming more aware like hey, they're looking at

13:22

body language.

13:22

They're looking at tone of voice and

13:24

So it's so important for us that are aware of this too, keep talking about it, because

13:24

there's children that don't have a voice.

13:30

And there's plenty of children, unfortunately, that don't ever make it to a point to be

13:30

able to tell their story.

13:38

Yeah.

13:39

Yeah.

13:39

And it's, and it's like here with me, it's like, if I get that one person reaching out to

13:39

me, you, even if it's just one out of the 20 episodes saying, you know what?

13:49

You helped me with something to me, that's enough.

13:53

Oh yeah, oh yeah, it definitely is.

13:56

I made a post on my TikTok and this guy had sent me a message and I made a post where, you

13:56

know, unfortunately the color of our shells is such a big topic.

14:08

And so I had made a post where was like, have white men ever experienced abuse?

14:12

And I said, cause everyone feels like they have been and they just had everything that was

14:12

so golden.

14:17

And I couldn't believe the post went viral.

14:20

I was really shocked that it went like viral.

14:22

there was this one man that messaged me and he said, I was sitting in my car and I heard

14:22

you say that.

14:28

And he said, and I just started, and I thought to myself, somebody cares.

14:30

And he said, I just started breaking down crying.

14:33

And I was like moved.

14:35

And he was like, thank you.

14:36

Like it was like tears of relief.

14:38

Like somebody cares.

14:39

And I was, I was mind blown because I was just like, I didn't know that, you know, like,

14:39

so, so I definitely can understand what you were saying, where you could say something.

14:49

And as you said, cause that one person,

14:52

who knows how powerful their voice is.

14:53

Now they can go tell this person, tell this person, and that's so beautiful.

14:59

And here, from your point of view, how does, like...

15:05

Let's see.

15:08

I'm trying to, okay, let me rephrase this.

15:12

What role do emotions play in our ability to heal or stay stuck?

15:17

I feel like people still can't really understand, like, they get summed up too, because

15:17

that was a bad person, you know, or they just didn't know better.

15:29

And I just feel like with my book, the thing is, what scientists are trying to figure out

15:29

is how to suppress our nature.

15:36

And so you don't want to become susceptible to nature.

15:39

So unfortunately, somebody's hitting you.

15:41

That is a nature response.

15:44

And so I feel like people can understand epigenetics and biochemistry.

15:48

It's like, oh, that's what happened.

15:49

Yes.

15:50

That's why you have all these social structures.

15:52

That's why you have all these different things.

15:54

When people say, what are they trying to distract us from?

15:56

They're trying to make sure we don't go into our nature.

16:00

I mean, humans are more dangerous than lions.

16:02

They have the lions dancing through hula hoops.

16:05

So I just think that we have to, so I think that's not a broad enough understanding of

16:11

a lot of people became susceptible to nature.

16:14

So what they did is a nature response.

16:16

No matter what it is, it is a nature response.

16:18

And I feel like what's going to help people is if, for instance, if a judge says, hey,

16:18

you're going to jail because you didn't tame your nature.

16:26

I think that that would be more powerful in somebody saying, okay, but say, hey, you

16:26

shouldn't have did that.

16:32

You shouldn't have did that.

16:33

That's where everybody keeps getting confused because they're like, they shouldn't have

16:33

did that based on what?

16:39

the research you came up with and like based on what information should they have not done

16:39

that.

16:44

That is their nature.

16:47

Whether people like it or not, it is their nature.

16:50

Everyone has different nature responses.

16:52

Everyone has different animal instincts.

16:55

And I feel like the world is trying to come up with all these things to tell us how to act

16:55

and how to feel.

16:59

And I just think that there needs to be a broad enough awareness of, okay, everyone has

16:59

experienced nature and

17:07

Don't become susceptible to nature.

17:10

So if you feel like, I really want to go over there and see that woman, uh-oh, your

17:10

nature's kicking in.

17:16

Get your ass out the building or tell somebody, hold up, my nature kicking in.

17:21

I need some help.

17:22

You know, conversations like that, I feel like is what is going to help heal.

17:26

to just say you shouldn't experience that, that's why people feel like, I went to therapy

17:26

and so forth because they are still trying to make sense of why did I feel that though?

17:35

But why?

17:38

Yeah, I love it.

17:39

was good stuff.

17:41

Good stuff.

17:44

and thinking back though, like you were, you know, earlier on you were talking about, you

17:44

know, heartbreak and stuff.

17:49

Would you say heartbreak was like the turning point that made you realize that you needed

17:49

to understand yourself more deeply or was there something else?

18:01

It was a quadruple heartbreak because it was the man I was in love with.

18:07

I felt so protected with him.

18:09

There were so many people that was involved in this heartbreak.

18:12

And so what was devastating to me is I had to tell myself, you don't know shit.

18:19

And that was a hard pill to swallow because I'm always like, I'm a very self-aware,

18:19

intelligent person.

18:26

like, I went to therapy.

18:27

I was going to therapy for...

18:28

three years every single week before I met this person.

18:32

So that's what blew my mind even more where I was just thinking, what am I not doing?

18:36

What am I not doing?

18:38

Like I wanted to figure out how did they all formulate this?

18:42

Why did they think that was okay?

18:44

And people wanted to sum it up to me like, because this person's older.

18:48

I'm like, I don't give a shit about none of that.

18:50

Are you telling me if I was a judge, I wouldn't have felt this pain?

18:54

Like who do I have to be to tell me that I wouldn't have felt this?

18:58

And that's when I was like, there's a much deeper issue.

19:00

And I feel like what pissed me off even further is I tried to watch some TV, like, you

19:00

know what, let's relax, let's turn on some TV.

19:08

And I just saw TV different.

19:11

I saw these people cheating and I think they were smiling.

19:13

And I was like, are they trying to tell me I should be smiling about this pain?

19:18

And I was just like, no, I shouldn't have felt that.

19:21

That's all I kept telling myself.

19:23

And so based on all the research I've done, is...

19:26

I'm sorry.

19:28

Pain is to send a shock to your body and mind to help you come to consciousness.

19:35

But pain has been so normalized.

19:38

It's been normalized since the beginning of time.

19:39

Like, you're supposed to feel pain.

19:41

We go around and tell our children, you're gonna feel pain.

19:44

That doesn't sound like a goddamn spell.

19:46

Why are we walking around telling each other, you're gonna feel pain?

19:49

Pain is out there.

19:50

Pain is coming.

19:51

Like, we gotta stop.

19:53

Imagine if we were telling each other, no, you shouldn't feel pain.

19:56

If we just simply start it there, you should not be feeling pain.

19:59

That is not normal.

20:00

It'll make people think.

20:02

Yeah.

20:02

And I feel like we normalize a lot of the stuff that's honestly not good for us.

20:12

you know, you say pain and right away my mind kind of goes to like some of the foods we

20:12

eat.

20:20

that type of stuff.

20:21

Like we normalize it all.

20:23

You know why?

20:23

Because everyone wants to tell you how to eat.

20:25

That's another thing.

20:26

Everyone wants to tell you how you should be operating.

20:29

Like with my son, for instance, he takes 20 minutes to eat his food.

20:33

One day I thought something was wrong with him.

20:34

said, why are you taking so long?

20:36

And he said, because one time I ate really fast and my stomach was hurting.

20:40

So I just realized I need to slow down.

20:42

A lot of us adults probably, we probably know that.

20:45

And so when I did some research, it said it should take 20 minutes to complete a meal.

20:49

And I was like, huh?

20:50

That like blew my mind, but then my daughter, eats every two hours.

20:53

And I was thinking like, boy, this kid's always eating, like, but she's like, I don't like

20:53

heavy food on my stomach.

20:59

And she went into detail and I was thinking like, what's my eating like?

21:03

And so I feel like we don't really sit with ourself enough to believe that our body will

21:03

tell us what to do.

21:12

Our mind will tell us what to do.

21:14

So we're looking to, like I had this one workout I was doing and I was paying $200 a

21:14

month.

21:19

And I wasn't losing any weight and I was like, my gosh, like I got up to 185 pounds.

21:25

And I was just like, why am I spending so much and not losing weight?

21:28

And just one day I remember I sat with my body and it's like, your body's under so much

21:28

stress and high hormones, cause I'm a single mom with three kids.

21:36

And it was like, you need something that's like relaxing.

21:39

And it was like, just walk up and down your hill.

21:43

And my God, I had lost like 10 pounds and that didn't cost me anything.

21:48

So we have to really sit with ourself and say what works for us.

21:51

Cause somebody's always going to walk up to you and everyone is going around teaching each

21:51

other, other people's ideas, people they don't even know.

22:01

Yeah, that's so true.

22:02

And I like what you said there.

22:03

If you listen to your body, like your body's going to tell you, you know, your body better

22:03

than the doctor or anybody else.

22:09

And I think back to, so last year I was having some medical issues and these medical

22:09

issues have been going on for a long time.

22:19

Anyways, long story short, like the doctor said you probably should change your diet.

22:25

I changed my diet.

22:26

most medical issues went away and I lost like 40 pounds in the matter of three months.

22:31

And I was like, I was like, holy hell, like why didn't anybody tell me to eat differently

22:31

before?

22:37

Because I know because we're just like, you know, we're on autopilot, that's why.

22:44

Because we're on autopilot 90 % of the time and we're just like walking around, just

22:44

moving through and moving through and we don't really stop and say, hold on to come to

22:53

consciousness.

22:55

Yeah.

22:56

And I, that like really struck me though, when you back earlier, when you mentioned we

22:56

were on autopilot 90 % of the time, because it got me thinking like, you know what?

23:06

Now that you say that, like makes a lot of sense in my brain to why I do things the way I

23:06

do things and why I don't stop some of the time to like rethink what I'm doing.

23:17

Or it's just like day by day.

23:18

Like this is what I do.

23:20

Yeah, your brain's just, and so trigger it.

23:23

They're like, my God, they're triggering you.

23:24

That's bad.

23:25

And honestly, I look at triggering as they brought you out of autopilot.

23:29

Now, how did they bring you out of autopilot?

23:31

It is tricky, you know, because somebody might have said something rude.

23:34

Now you're out of autopilot or somebody said something thought provoking.

23:38

Now you're out of autopilot.

23:39

And it can be frustrating when, depending on what somebody says to you that brings you out

23:39

of autopilot, if you don't know how to respond.

23:47

that says, uh-oh, I don't have enough information in my brain to respond to this.

23:52

And ah I think that's what triggering is.

23:54

To me, it's like an electric signal to your brain to bring you out of autopilot and bring

23:54

you into consciousness.

24:00

So when Trump became president, shit, that brought everybody out of autopilot because we

24:00

were so used to somebody that held that position, how they would speak, how they would

24:11

act.

24:11

So it was like people paid attention, but we didn't really, because we were so used to

24:15

a specific type of like demeanor and a specific type of tone of voice.

24:19

But when he came, man, he brought everybody.

24:21

He brought the whole world at autopilot.

24:23

It was like, what did he just say?

24:25

So, yeah.

24:26

Yeah, yeah, different demeanor and everything, right?

24:31

Oh yeah, it was like, what is he saying?

24:34

Like it was, it brought everyone out of autopilot.

24:36

You know, whether I agree with what he does or not is irrelevant.

24:39

I just know he brought everybody out of He brought the whole world out of autopilots.

24:45

Yeah, I can, I see that like, and I can totally agree with that.

24:49

And you just make me think too, it's like, I've been in therapy for some time and being

24:49

in, I just want to touch base on autopilot one more time, because I feel like it's

24:58

important.

24:59

I feel like that's why it's so hard to kind of rewire our brains to think differently

24:59

about ourselves as we're stuck in like these different ruts that we get stuck in

25:09

throughout life.

25:12

yeah, for sure, because with therapy, I didn't blame my therapist, but when I knew therapy

25:12

wasn't enough, it's because like I said, when I met this man, I was in therapy for three

25:22

years, every single week, for three years.

25:25

So I was like, this isn't enough.

25:28

And I didn't blame my therapist or anything like that.

25:31

I was just like, I need to seek something out because I was just like, I can't.

25:37

And then I remember,

25:38

I said, can we do trauma therapy?

25:40

said, we can't do trauma therapy if you're still in the situation.

25:42

And I was like, my God.

25:44

And then when I did research, I had learned that what I went through was betrayal trauma.

25:49

And it said it takes four to five years to heal from that.

25:52

And I said, when I read that, I said, I know you fucking lying.

25:58

I am not gonna sit here and tell myself that I'm going to feel this for.

26:03

five years, and I was just like, who came up with this?

26:07

And so I just, and I feel like what helped me is actually did something that is not, like

26:07

they talk about it surface level, but I was telling my brain what happened, what is it?

26:20

I guess I was communicating with my brain and my body and I didn't know it.

26:24

And I feel like my brain started releasing.

26:28

all this information, you know, because we get what 80,000 thoughts a day.

26:34

And I feel like I just started getting all this sudden realization.

26:38

And I was thinking like, I mean, I'm probably have talked to a scientist or somebody like,

26:38

hey, what happened on a scientific level?

26:45

But I feel like it started releasing information to me of like how, of just so many things

26:45

I became aware of, where somebody told me like, you're speaking epigenetics.

26:55

And I was like, what the hell is epigenetics?

26:57

Like,

26:58

So I just felt like I had to sit with my brain and body and say, no, how the hell do you

26:58

operate?

27:04

And I was aware, I didn't let people tell me how to think.

27:08

That's a very big thing I'm starting on.

27:11

Like we can have a conversation, but if I leave the conversation and I'm feeling bad about

27:11

myself, done with that.

27:18

You know, because I don't need anything that's making me feel bad to, if it's thought

27:18

provoking, that's cool.

27:25

You know, so I just think that we lose so much faith in ourself because people want to

27:25

tell you what the hell is.

27:32

Everyone can tell you the truth about everything else except for themselves.

27:37

That's what I notice.

27:38

That's what I hear in the media.

27:40

They can tell you somebody's whole life.

27:42

Candace Owens can tell you that this woman is a man or whatever.

27:46

And I'm like, who are you?

27:48

What do you do with your children?

27:49

How come I never hear about if you play with your kids?

27:52

If you cook pancakes in the morning with them, like, you know, like who are you?

27:57

And with that type of attitude, I am very, I just kind of, I people talk, but I'm just

27:57

like, if you're not telling me who you are and this is an authentic conversation, I'm not

28:07

going to beat myself up.

28:09

I'm done with that.

28:10

Yeah.

28:11

Yeah, I totally agree.

28:12

And it's like, it is crazy because like you're speaking in all of the media and it's like,

28:12

they can tell you everything about everything else, but it's like, I feel like people now

28:21

don't really want to talk about themselves.

28:26

And who knows why?

28:27

And it's like, and I think everybody has a story, but maybe people just don't want to air

28:27

their dirty laundries.

28:33

But some of the stuff I feel like we need to talk about.

28:36

We're gonna talk about it.

28:37

That's where I'm at in my life.

28:39

Like, we're gonna talk about it because the problem is that, like I said, I can't tell who

28:39

isn't a Jeffrey Epstein because I always hear people say I'm worried about my kid.

28:48

And I say, you know what's so ridiculous about that?

28:52

You can raise your child to have pure intentions and to be this great person until, what?

28:57

They might run into a kid that nobody cared about.

29:00

That kid could be their boss now.

29:03

That kid could be their partner.

29:05

that kid could be their teacher.

29:08

So that's why it's so important to worry about other children because you could run into a

29:08

kid that nobody cared about.

29:15

And I feel like a lot of people want to have this certain representation of this is who I

29:15

am.

29:23

But the reason why I feel like they're like that is because they don't understand brain

29:23

chemistry.

29:27

They don't understand epigenetics.

29:29

And I think if that's why I filled with my book.

29:32

Once they read it, it's gonna be, now it makes sense.

29:34

And I guarantee a lot of people are gonna be comfortable with saying what they did, but a

29:34

lot of people don't wanna talk about it, because they really can't make sense of, oh my

29:42

God, why was I having those thoughts?

29:44

Oh my gosh, delete my browser history, okay?

29:48

They're just like, because they can't make sense of why did I have those thoughts?

29:52

it's like, people are swimming in the ocean with the sharks on purpose.

29:58

They're jumping out of airplanes willingly.

30:01

What do you mean, why did you have those thoughts?

30:03

Take a look around.

30:04

Like who hasn't lost their damn mind?

30:07

You know, a person swimming in the ocean with the sharks is considered more sane than

30:07

somebody walking down the streets on opioids.

30:15

You're swimming with sharks, like, and you're doing that sober?

30:20

I'm scared of you, pal.

30:21

Like, how are you, how are you doing that?

30:24

That's not a conscious thought.

30:26

Your brain has hijacked you and convinced you

30:30

that swimming in the ocean with the sharks is such a big high.

30:35

Yeah, totally agreed.

30:37

And it's amazing what our brain can actually do to us to make us believe such a thing is

30:37

the high that it really, you know, that you're...

30:48

mean, every time you see somebody do something, they really can't explain.

30:53

They're like, I don't know why I did that.

30:55

And then you have the lawyers.

30:57

And that's another thing too.

30:58

Everybody talks to the dead.

31:00

I never have live conversations.

31:02

Every time somebody tells me something.

31:04

In 18 such and such, I'm like, boy, you're still talking for them?

31:09

Like, do you not realize it's 2025?

31:13

Like, I don't think that's...

31:16

We can say, hey, this what they used to do, but to keep embodying it.

31:20

And politicians are the biggest people that have to talk to the dead.

31:24

They're always saying, and I'm just like, who was conscious?

31:27

Like, I'm telling you, I'm just, once I got this awareness of brain chemistry and I sat

31:27

with myself, I got, I will say, my connection back.

31:36

And I did something I never did before.

31:38

I was like, my God, people's gonna ask me what's my religion.

31:42

And I never identified by one because my mom was Muslim.

31:45

No, my dad was Muslim and then my mom was Christian, but they weren't nice, I felt like.

31:51

Yeah, that's that seems like just a two different religions that like are far enough apart

31:51

that'd be hard growing up in to me because I'm Christian but it seems like there I don't

32:03

know it just seems like it'd be kind of a Do you feel like you're pulled one way and not

32:03

like more than the other?

32:10

because I felt like my dad's like I don't care what she said you're Muslim and then she's

32:10

like I don't care what your dad said you're Christian It was so stupid, you know, and I'm

32:18

just sitting there So I never so I would say Christian because it sounded like the correct

32:18

thing to say But then when I just got older it was like also you go to church at also and

32:27

I was like wait if I identify as that they're gonna expect me to have these expectations

32:27

and so Then I said I'm just spiritual but then I noticed what the spiritual people they

32:36

walk around like I'm spiritual and I'm like

32:39

I don't want to like, and so I did something that I was taught, well, I was never taught

32:39

to do.

32:45

And I just asked the spirit myself, what is your name?

32:48

And I heard all.

32:50

And I thought I was crazy.

32:51

Cause I was like, what the hell does that mean?

32:54

But the more I've sat and researched it, I'm like, that actually sounds correct to me.

32:58

Imagine if everybody walked around and said, just praise all.

33:02

That would get rid of a lot of wars.

33:05

Just praise all.

33:06

Like, what are we?

33:08

You guys are all fighting about the correct name.

33:10

my goodness.

33:12

Like just, you know, I understand religious structures.

33:16

It is to help get people set of rules so they don't drift off into what you feel.

33:21

It's basically to help control your brain chemistry.

33:24

Like, hey, if you start feeling confused, just know the religion says this.

33:28

And it's like, we're all having a human experience and to tell somebody what the correct

33:28

human experience is, is why you have so many problems.

33:37

Some people become conflicted in their identity.

33:40

I don't know who the hell isn't conflicted in their identity.

33:42

Everybody is like, and it's like you bring back up the, you brought up the religion aspect

33:42

of it.

33:50

So I'm Christian and I have a friend that's, you know, doesn't believe in God or whatever.

33:56

And, and he's like, well, you know, there's no religion or whatever.

34:00

And it's like, well, if I'm in the end, if I'm wrong, like I guess I said it the end, if

34:00

I'm wrong about my religion, dude, like

34:09

I'll be the first one to say like, okay, I was wrong, but right now I feel like being in

34:09

a, you know, religious person, it makes me, it goes back to what you were saying.

34:18

It makes me feel like a better person.

34:21

gives me a set of standards that I want to abide by to be a better person.

34:27

And I said, and I said,

34:29

the point of all social structures, actually, because Israel and Iran, they only have two

34:29

social structures, politics and the Bible.

34:36

We see how that's going.

34:37

I think that you need to have more things.

34:40

So I wouldn't say like, it's bad.

34:43

But as I said, I feel as though once enough people read this book, they're going to say,

34:43

brain chemistry, you know, like they're going to have an understanding and

34:54

I just feel like a lot of people need a set of rules or structure because nobody talks

34:54

about their thoughts out loud.

35:01

Nobody discusses their porn history out loud.

35:03

And it's like, why do I have these thoughts and feel this way?

35:07

And so this book is going to help people say, oh, like that's all I want people to say.

35:11

Like, okay.

35:13

I need to better control my brain because my brain is trying to put all these thoughts in

35:13

my head so it can get high.

35:19

So I need to figure out how to get my brain high so it won't hijack me.

35:23

You know, and suppress my decision making in order to get high.

35:28

Yeah, makes sense.

35:30

what, what do you, what are some things that, or ideas that you have that we can do as a

35:30

society to actually take control of our brain so we don't feel that ability to need to get

35:47

that high?

35:49

While I'm working on a shirt, the front of the shirt is gonna say, what's your instant

35:49

gratification?

35:54

And somebody's gonna probably say, I don't know, let's say football.

35:58

And on the back of the shirt, it's gonna say, so that's how your brain gets high.

36:01

Now on a deeper level, that person said their instant gratification is football.

36:05

So if you guys are having an argument, you better hope there's a football game on, because

36:05

that's how their brain gets high, you know?

36:13

Or if somebody says, working out.

36:15

Okay, if you guys get into an argument, that person gets frustrated, they're gonna go work

36:15

out.

36:19

They're not gonna go cheat at the gym.

36:20

They're gonna go work out.

36:22

So we need better things to help us communicate on, you know, okay, what releases the drug

36:22

in somebody's brain.

36:29

And if they don't know what releases the drug in their brain, I feel like it should be

36:29

something that doesn't involve a human connection because you could become susceptible,

36:40

unfortunately, to a lot of different things.

36:42

So, you know, like,

36:44

you have to think like, okay, how do I, at least like two things you can instantly do that

36:44

just involves you to balance those drugs in your brain.

36:52

Because if it involves another human connection, it's just like, that's gonna get tricky,

36:52

you know?

36:59

Because you're start acting like a dope head, like, where are they?

37:04

That's why you got this behavior, like, why are they acting like that?

37:07

Because the brain's trying to get high, it's looking for its drugs.

37:11

Yeah, it makes sense.

37:14

I have all sorts of like thoughts going in.

37:16

Like you've opened like this, this thing in my mind that I don't think I've ever thought

37:16

of before.

37:23

See, boom.

37:24

That's the power of the spirit whose name is all.

37:27

But overall, that's why I wrote the book.

37:29

I hope you do check it out.

37:30

I did get it on Audible and the people listening to, because if you introduce enough

37:30

thought provoking information, to me it's like the brain's excited, like, my God, okay.

37:41

Like, I feel like the brain's trying to be understood and they're trying to send out

37:41

signals to, understand me.

37:46

And the scientists are trying to come up with information for massive.

37:52

It's like, well, hold on, everybody comprehends.

37:55

Like, people are making fun of people that comprehend at a 12-year-old knowledge.

38:00

And I'm like, well, everybody was busy surviving.

38:02

So it kind of makes sense why we don't understand each other.

38:05

like, you know, we were trying to figure out how to get food or dodge this or dodge that,

38:05

you know?

38:11

And so uh with the book, as I said, I use myself as an example where I'm just as honest as

38:11

possible.

38:17

I make the language as simple as possible.

38:19

And it's not too much of a thick book.

38:21

It's a self-help book.

38:22

It's probably like this thick, just to introduce enough thought-provoking information.

38:28

That's all I want is to help people think on a deeper level.

38:32

And not only that, to just look at me like, dang, she just told a bunch of things people

38:32

don't say out loud.

38:39

And if I can do it, you can too.

38:41

Like don't run around telling everybody your sins, you know?

38:45

oh But just, I just want people to tell themselves like, okay.

38:49

That's why I had those thoughts.

38:51

That's why, like, it makes sense now and I just need to better control my brain because it

38:51

is trying to hijack me to get high.

39:01

Yeah.

39:01

And it's, it's, I'm thinking of these things now that like, I, I'm like, well that's this

39:01

probably, that's the thing that I love to go do.

39:10

Like that's probably what I, my high in life is like, for one, I love going to concerts.

39:15

And it's like, there's times where I feel like I need that connection to overcome stuff or

39:15

get out of a rut or whatever.

39:23

yeah, that's vibration, like body vibration, energy, like everything is super energetic.

39:28

And so I feel like with stuff like that, people's like, how do I get to that energy?

39:33

And the reason I'm working on making such a big enough awareness about it is because if a

39:33

hundred people know that's cool, but you need a massive amount of people.

39:42

So you can just feel that vibration all the time.

39:45

Like it feels like it's a concert every time I go outside.

39:48

People are so nice.

39:49

People are understanding.

39:50

We're not all walking around like,

39:52

we're just, we're more confident.

39:55

And that is what the book is going to do is help people become more confident.

40:01

That's really cool.

40:02

I love that.

40:05

And I just have a few more questions for you here.

40:07

What perspectives about emotions and healing do you think society gets wrong?

40:14

that there's one particular pill for everybody.

40:18

Everyone just, for instance, with their prison systems, I can't believe they don't have

40:18

breath work.

40:23

It's like they're literally in there because they didn't take time to breathe.

40:26

Like, I don't think they need to work out and heighten their animal instincts.

40:33

that's probably one thing I can say we all can agree on maybe is breath work, but anything

40:33

outside of that, I think that's the challenge they are trying to figure out.

40:41

What do we come up with?

40:42

When I say they, I'm referring to the scientists because yes, they're trying to figure out

40:42

what is it gonna take?

40:48

And now they feel the robots.

40:49

My goodness, co-pilot is okay, but it's constantly emotionally validating you.

40:54

And I'm just like, that's dangerous.

40:56

You can't constantly have your emotions valid.

40:58

They don't know what the hell they're doing.

41:00

They're trying.

41:00

They're trying.

41:05

And so with this type of stuff, feel like you're gonna always have somebody that's

41:05

skeptical and probably dismisses the connection between emotions and biochemistry.

41:14

How do you respond to the skeptic?

41:17

I would say you're one of those people that's gonna have to see a massive change.

41:20

Because you gotta know when to stop talking, I've learned too.

41:23

Because somebody will sit there and just go back and forth, back and forth, and I notice

41:23

when somebody is not trying to get a different perspective.

41:31

So I feel like I know the power of nature.

41:34

So it's like you can sit here and say nobody's gonna believe or whatever, you know, but

41:34

you're gonna be one of those people that's gonna see a massive shift and guess what?

41:42

Nature will adapt to the environment.

41:45

So that's how I look at it.

41:47

You know, it's not a large enough conversation, because I did have somebody who was an

41:47

atheist that was challenging me, like, what are you going to say to atheists?

41:53

What are you going say to atheists?

41:54

And at the time, I wasn't as full of knowledge as I am today.

41:58

And I was like, well, I wouldn't know how to respond.

41:59

And they just kept going and going.

42:00

And I was just like, you're not looking to have a conversation.

42:04

You're looking for me to give you an emotional validation that you don't want to give your

42:04

damn self.

42:11

Right?

42:11

That's the first thing I think too.

42:14

It's like...

42:14

you just want, you want somebody to be mad with you.

42:18

It's like, we're all fucking mad.

42:20

Like, we're all mad, we're all hurt, we're all confused.

42:23

We just, like, everyone just has a different style of doing it.

42:27

And we can all go yell and scream in the street, but the protesters are fucking busy doing

42:27

that.

42:33

And it's not making, like, it's not making a difference.

42:36

I mean, I haven't seen one protest, I'm sorry, that made like this great.

42:41

big difference.

42:42

anything, just like open a bigger can of worms, a bigger can of worms.

42:46

just, I don't know.

42:47

So yelling and screaming, just think isn't helping.

42:52

Yep, I totally agree.

42:54

it's like, yeah, do I think that people should have the right to protest?

42:57

Yeah, but I am not, I'm with you, I side with you on that.

43:01

I have not seen a difference that it makes ever.

43:03

It just makes it worse.

43:05

Somebody actually told me that Dr.

43:07

Martin Luther King said he thinks he made a mistake.

43:09

I said, he said that?

43:10

I was like, after he done went out there, I was like, and I just think, especially when

43:10

you have technology today, you know, cause with me promoting my book, people's like, you

43:19

need to go to networking events.

43:21

I'm like, no, I don't.

43:22

Technology is so powerful.

43:24

My words could shoot off to probably a million people overnight.

43:28

I said, okay, maybe meeting in person and stuff, but I was like, technology is, come on,

43:28

my video could travel all the way to New York.

43:36

Mm-hmm.

43:37

Yeah, it's like I have TikTok and Instagram and all these marketing techniques at my

43:37

fingertips.

43:43

Right?

43:44

I'm like, I don't, if I go to a networking event, I guess it's just to get out and

43:44

socialize, but I'm always trying to figure out how to use the internet because everyone is

43:54

online.

43:54

Like I believe in human connection, but as far as networking to reach a bunch of people at

43:54

one time, yeah, definitely TikTok and TikTok really, yeah, I'm going to have to say

44:06

TikTok, but it's really just to promote my book.

44:08

I keep hoping that one video goes viral.

44:11

And when people come to me, I actually have something to say.

44:14

Because when people go viral, they're like, hey, so what do you have to say?

44:16

And they're like, I, uh, they ain't got shit to say.

44:20

Nothing helpful.

44:21

Like, I'm like, what a waste.

44:23

You have nothing to say.

44:25

Just wanted somebody to look at you.

44:28

Yeah, yeah, I can see exactly the point.

44:34

it's, it's just like, no, it's,

44:40

just, nothing helpful to say to the world.

44:42

Just look at me.

44:43

ugh.

44:45

I feel like there's a lot of people though on social media that are that way.

44:50

It's like there's no thought provoking message.

44:54

It's trying to get attention.

45:00

Yeah, just attention seeking behavior.

45:02

I'm like, are they repeating what they think people want to hear?

45:04

It's just, it's so dumb.

45:06

I'm like, I, I'm just like, you know, now that I'm fully conscious, I'm telling you, I'm

45:06

like, my gosh, I just had to look around, but you know, I'm like, okay, I've done this and

45:17

promoting my book.

45:18

Oh, so what I will say has been helpful about TikTok is

45:21

I finally got my book on TikTok Shop and it said that I can reach out to influencers and

45:21

offer them commission to promote my book.

45:28

So I was like, oh my gosh, finally.

45:31

I made a post and I said, you guys will probably never see me again on here.

45:35

Like now that I got somebody to promote the book because I don't want to keep having these

45:35

conversations to invoke thought.

45:42

Like I made a post that said, do white people like fried chicken and watermelon?

45:46

my God, it went viral.

45:47

And I was like.

45:49

And I was just like, so I say stuff like that because I know how to invoke a deeper

45:49

thought, but it's mostly because I'm trying to say, Hey, I want you guys to read my book.

45:58

you know, so, um, yeah, so I'm excited with that.

46:01

Um, I got my shipment and, um, shipment and everything with Amazon.

46:05

Cause I didn't know how to do the fulfillment order, but I got that going.

46:08

I've reached out to some influencers and I'm hoping by the end of this month, like my book

46:08

is circulating on a Tik Tok.

46:16

Am I thinking correctly?

46:17

So we can change this shit.

46:21

oh

46:22

One last question here, then it's just a few follow-up questions.

46:26

How has this journey reshaped your definition of love itself?

46:32

It definitely helped me, I will say I learned to really love unconditionally because even

46:32

though this person broke my heart, I mean, I love that guy so much.

46:42

I found the seed he came out of.

46:44

And at first I think I was talking to a few people and I was like, I feel like I should

46:44

not be loving him.

46:50

And then I remember my therapist was like, why?

46:52

was like, cause everybody's going to tell me all these reasons of why I shouldn't.

46:56

And I just.

46:58

I just love him and I, and that was, that was, that was thought provoking.

47:03

It was thought provoking because he did so many things where people's like, somebody told

47:03

me you have Stockholm syndrome.

47:08

Here we come with the diseases now.

47:10

Everyone's telling me, oh, you have this disease, you have that.

47:13

I'm like, wow.

47:15

Unconditional love means you have diseases.

47:18

I mean, I don't think that you should stay in an abusive relationship.

47:22

You know, if you're not trying to

47:25

understand it.

47:26

I think that to stay in a relationship and just say, okay, this is it, that's just how it

47:26

is.

47:31

Okay, that's not healthy.

47:32

You know, because with this man, it definitely was a psychologically abusive relationship.

47:36

And I didn't stand for it, like, okay, this is just what it is.

47:40

But it didn't make me stop loving him.

47:43

Because I wanted to understand why is he acting like this?

47:48

Yeah, and I think there's a lot of people that get kind of gets like.

47:54

trying to think of how to say it.

47:58

In that position that you found yourself in.

48:01

That they're,

48:04

Great.

48:06

It's like they want to understand the person so they stay with that person even though the

48:06

abuse is happening.

48:12

Yeah, and I feel like it's because they don't know your brain is trying to get high.

48:20

And that's the thing too.

48:22

I realized this, think the other day when I was talking to somebody, said, when did we all

48:22

feel that big rush of being high?

48:29

And it was when we was a baby, we weren't being held.

48:31

so we're all trying to, and so the thing is once your brain releases a big high for the

48:31

rest of your life, it's always trying to get back to that high.

48:39

And so that's why relationships are like the biggest unhealthy thing because it's so

48:39

familiar.

48:44

I'm being held, I'm being kissed, I'm being caressed.

48:47

And so it's like they're trying to overlook, hey, is this unhealthy?

48:52

Because the brain's like, hey, I'm getting my fix.

48:54

So you'll be all right.

48:56

Like, you know, and they become unconscious of that.

49:00

But I feel like if people were more aware of, for instance, the conversation we're having

49:00

right now, my God, like if this conversation right here reached millions of people.

49:08

Boom, they're gonna say, oh, you know, it's gonna invoke some thought.

49:13

Yeah, totally agree.

49:15

just see the, this is kind of just a generalized question I ask all my guests because I

49:15

like to hear the different responses I get.

49:24

what do you feel is the biggest stigma when it comes to mental health?

49:30

Oh gosh, what is the fucking correct personality?

49:38

You know, I think I was, what was this?

49:41

Some show I was watching, it was this, it was a person of a different ethnicity to me and

49:41

they were saying like, oh, they had multiple personalities.

49:51

And when I was looking at this person talk, I was like, that's probably me.

49:56

Cause I can be animated.

49:58

I can be sophisticated.

50:00

Does that mean so I should walk around and tell people I got eight personalities walking?

50:04

I don't need to announce that shit.

50:06

I don't need to announce that.

50:08

I adapt um to different environments and it doesn't mean I'm still gonna have the same

50:08

type of conversation.

50:14

It just might be in a different tone.

50:16

It might be with a different personality.

50:18

And somebody can say, well, that's a trauma response because you should have, you should

50:18

have, and everyone's telling each other of the correct goddamn way to speak.

50:26

to act, how you should make your faces.

50:28

Get the hell out of my goddamn face.

50:30

I'm cool with this.

50:32

You know what, I actually really love the raw energy that you bring.

50:37

I love the vibe that you have.

50:38

I think it's awesome.

50:40

Thank you, thank you.

50:42

mean, somebody has to...

50:46

you're good you're good but being completely real like i i think it's i think you bring a

50:46

vibe and energy that's awesome

50:55

now I have to because I'm just like, I'm so sick of it.

50:58

Honestly, I'm so honest that even my family is like, what's wrong with her?

51:02

Because they always thought like she's up to something.

51:05

I was just like, what the hell is going on with her?

51:08

Because I just felt like, um I just felt I was too, and just, I don't know, maybe it's

51:08

because I experienced enough pain, enough humiliation where I just felt like I'm tired of

51:19

being every, I'm a product of scientist ideas.

51:22

We all are.

51:23

And I feel like as long as I have good intentions, it shouldn't matter how I'm talking.

51:30

If somebody tells me, you're kind of hurting my feelings, I don't know how it could really

51:30

hurt somebody's feelings.

51:35

I don't really hear that.

51:37

But I'm comfortable with who I am because I know that everyone wants to feel that way.

51:44

They want to feel comfortable with themselves.

51:47

And you know, I...

51:49

I don't know, I just don't think there's no correct way to act.

51:53

And I think we can all learn from one another.

51:56

And so I think that's what it is.

51:59

I'm not closed minded, I'm really open minded too.

52:01

What does this person think?

52:02

Because I want to understand.

52:03

And that's what makes somebody fun and nice to be around.

52:07

Because it's like they want to understand what's going on.

52:09

They're not just walking in the building to tell everyone how they should be acting and

52:09

how they should be talking.

52:16

Who wants to be around that type of person?

52:19

Nobody.

52:21

no, at all.

52:22

it's my theory is like, we're all different.

52:25

I think we're all meant to be different.

52:26

Right?

52:27

Right?

52:28

boring if we just all walked around and talked in the same way.

52:32

We'd all be trying to go to different lands like, right, it's boring here.

52:34

Oh, wait, then everyone is fucking doing that, trying to go to different lands because

52:34

they get bored.

52:39

Like, OK, it's all the same.

52:40

want to, you know, the human mind is meant to experience a lot of different experiences.

52:47

Mm-hmm.

52:48

I totally agree.

52:50

Awesome.

52:51

And where can people find you?

52:53

They can find me on TikTok by my first and last name.

52:57

I'm Google-able now.

52:58

Google-able.

52:59

Is that a word?

53:00

Google-able.

53:01

Google-able.

53:02

say it's, I think it's a word.

53:04

I've heard it before, so.

53:06

I'm Google-able now.

53:08

So yeah, because I think I did that.

53:09

I had typed my name and I was like, wow, like my videos and stuff pop up.

53:12

So it's real easy to find me.

53:14

I was like, my gosh, I've made it to where you can Google me.

53:17

Now it's probably, I'm not on the news and stuff, but you know, you can Google my name and

53:17

you're going to see my picture.

53:23

Like that's her.

53:27

And is there and I'll be sure to add like all that stuff in my show notes is that when I

53:27

release this So people know exactly where to find you As our so we just we covered a lot

53:39

of ground tonight I feel like is there anything that we did not discuss that you would

53:39

like to bring up

53:45

I just feel like I want people to understand that your brain can't control you.

53:51

It can control you your whole life and a lot of pain that you experience.

53:56

It was not a conscious response.

53:58

Somebody did not truly want to inflict pain.

54:02

The mind is trying to inflict pain and even with the mind trying to inflict pain, it's

54:02

trying to figure out how to release the drugs and

54:12

That's why, and so I just want people to grab my book so that they can say, oh, that's why

54:12

that happened to me because somebody who's truly conscious cannot invoke pain.

54:23

It's not a conscious response to invoke pain.

54:26

And I've been through a lot of it.

54:29

I have been through a lot of it.

54:31

I still cry.

54:32

I actually think crying is really powerful.

54:34

Cause I was crying the other day and I was like, ah, ah.

54:38

I don't know what I was crying about.

54:39

I just feel like, you know, I just like to relax.

54:41

I was just in my room and my God, the next day my friend's like, hey, let me take you to

54:41

breakfast.

54:45

I'm gonna clean your car.

54:46

I just dead.

54:47

I was just like, wow.

54:48

So something about crying, I feel like when you cry, ask God, ask your mind, ask your body

54:48

or the essence of God or whatever what you need.

54:56

And then put in the work.

54:58

Don't just say like, my gosh, I wish I can understand my pain.

55:01

And then just...

55:02

Lay there, turn on a movie and you might start seeing the movie differently or you know,

55:02

don't ever feel like you have to stop learning.

55:10

Being a human is hard, surprise.

55:12

It's not easy.

55:14

Yeah, that's for sure.

55:15

And I agree with you.

55:17

I feel like maybe I'll take away my masculinity here and say that I liked it.

55:22

A good cry here and there because I feel like I'm able to let out things that I've been

55:22

storing in for so long.

55:29

You know, the reason why men don't cry is that's a war tactic.

55:32

That goes all the way back to the beginning of time.

55:35

They taught the men that you were to protect and provide because if men were really in

55:35

tune with their emotions, do you think we'd have soldiers?

55:44

You wouldn't.

55:44

So they had to numb the men into don't cry.

55:48

If men were, if they said, okay, you can cry, they couldn't go over there and do all those

55:48

things they're doing.

55:55

Yeah.

55:55

why men are taught protect and provide.

55:57

And they're like, don't cry, don't cry.

55:58

And it's like, they don't even know that was programmed into you in case somebody needs

55:58

you for their war.

56:04

Yep, I totally agree.

56:07

Well, Izmina, thank you so much for coming on the show today.

56:11

Thank you for having me.

56:14

Well, I've thoroughly enjoyed our conversation.

56:16

And like I said, I love the raw energy that you bring and the vibe that you have.

56:20

I absolutely love it.

56:22

And I love what you're doing, very thought provoking.

56:25

Thank you, thank you.

56:30

Well, thank you all for listening.

56:31

The best thing you can do for now, for us is to, the best thing you can do for us is to

56:31

follow us anywhere you can and share our stuff.

56:41

I hope that you were, this was able to provoke some thoughts within you and if you like

56:41

it, please share it.

56:47

Thanks again for listening, until next time.